Karz the Boons ..

In Ancient Hindu Mythology, anybody around had the power to curse or grant a boon. It was a period, when the gods admired the demons for their intrinsic capability to cause havoc, their fashionable outfits and their vociferous leaders and when pleased with their tapas, used to grant them boons. Also this was a way they used to generate traffic in their abodes, which generally consisted of peeved saints and the ever-losing rulers of heaven.
So who used to govern these gods ? Had they any leaders ? And if so were they bound by some rules and regulations ?
I guess they hade some sort of association or some general body and were bound by regulations such as this.

Circular No : 789555 dt 12/12/-0012

PROCEDURES TO BE FOLLOWED WHILE GRANTING BOONS.

Foreword :
The primary aim of granting a boon, is to prove our mettle to the devotees. So always make it a point, not to grant boons of a risky nature . We are stressing on this more often because we are witnessing bad choices of boons. None of us could forget, brihasura chasing Mr.Shiva to turn him into ashes. Only the glamorous Mohini ( Courtesy : Mr. Vishnu, present treasurer ), could save him. I feel disappointed to announce that Mr.Shiva has been suspended for 1 year for having violated a vital rule of this association viz;, "not to use any other god intentionally or unintentionally for one's operation".
In future, members are advised to grant boons which have a lot of loopholes, lest the demons will give you a big aaapu.

Procedure :

• Wait for a demon who comes for his morning walk in the beach, to sleep in a standing position.
• Spray some sea water on him, to see if he wakes up and if not wait for some more time.
• Once it is ensured that he is in deep sleep, use the laser light in your hand and direct it to his eyes.
• The Demon will obviously feel the pain and try to open his eyes. While he opens his eyes switch on the serial lights behind your head.
• Tell him that you were pleased with his tapas.
• While the demon is still sleepy and baffled, give him a boon of semi-mortality and leave the place in haste.
• It is quite obvious that the demon will use the boon to a great extent and will torment the sadhus&saints.
• Now the saints will come and meet you.
  
• Tell them all wrong deeds are bound to be punished and the demon's death day ( alliteration intended kindly appreciate ) will be announced soon.
• One Fine day, take advantage of the intended loopholes in your boon and finish the demon off.
• Accept the accolades showered on you.

Note:
Any member who fails to pack off atleast three demons in a year, will be stripped off his membership.


Yours Sincerely,
For AGSHPTCGB,



Brahma
( Chairman)

P.S by Author: Sorry for the spelling mistake in the title. [:8]. I am no Athiest and the above was just for fun.

Cheers.

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Vacuum Series #1 :: Questioning the FM

( Introducing the vacuum series which will critically analyze current issues. The posts pertaining to the series will have tinge of emptiness in them, hence the name VACUUM SERIES. )

Innovations Unplugged proudly brings you the whole of the recent press meet of the Finance Minister Mr. Pithaambaram.

Unfortunately the whole of the press was not present on the eve of diwali owing to the discount sale in Saravana Stores and knee deep waters in most parts of Chennai.

Only journalist from Business Times and The Economic Line could  make it. 

BT & EL : Hello Sir !

FM  : Hello.  Shall we start with the proceedings then ?? First You.

BT   : Sir, it is only two of us. So we will take care.

FM  : Ya Ya. Were you not informed that it is an exclusive interview to you both ?      

EL   : Er .. Sir. We were .......... (pause) we were informed. So What do you have to say about the recent economic crisis and India's  prospects ?

FM  : All i want to say is that our fundamentals are strong and we will  grow around 8 %.

EL   : Sir, but that is what you said while the sensex took a beating some four months ago.

FM  : You are mistaken young man. Four months ago i predicted a growth of 8.09 %.

BT   : So You mean to say that not much has changed, even when the sensex has tanked some 10000 points.

FM  : Of course, things have changed. But with my line - up of corrective  measures i hope to restore the growth story and give some relief to Indian Stock Markets.

BT   : What sort of corrective measures sir ?

FM  : Firstly i have persuaded Sreedevi Textiles, to bring in their IPO at this juncture, which i hope will redirect all the middle class savings into Dalal Street and lead the sensex rally from 10000 to 25000+ points.

EL   : Sir, but sir .......... .

FM  : I know , i know.  "How investors would repose confidence in them" was your question right ?

People will definitely repose confidence in them even without venture capitalist, Thanks to their poweful brand ambassadors. ' Kathazha Kannala Snigdha' and 'I.T. Shaam of 12B fame'.

EL   :  Sir, but that was not my question. I just wanted to ask where Sreedevi Textiles is ? ?

FM  : I knew you would not be knowing because of your Bombay background. Ask My Anna Salai Friend next to you, he could tell you !! ( Laughs at his own joke ).

BT   : Most probably in Erode. ( turns around to the FM ) Sir and what was that I.T before Shaam. He is'nt I.T.Shaam i suppose ??

FM  : Well, it is Immediate Telecast Shyam.

EL   : Very well sir. You were talking about some line-up of corrective measures. May i know what the other  measures are ?                                       

FM  : I haven't really finalised the other corrective measures. But i have thought of asking banks to work even on sundays , so that there is no liquidity crunch. Also i have planned to persuade people to buy properties in the US in order to avoid Capital Gains Tax.

EL  : Sir, but how would the second proposal help ?

FM : Simple, demand for properties in the US would rise. Rates will go up, banks' position will better. Dow Jones will shoot up and Indian Stock Markets will follow suit. 

BT  : You  are indeed great sir. One more Question

FM : Yes Proceed .

BT  : When Avian Flu hit India some time ago, you beamed before the press ' I had boiled Chicken for Breakfast'. Though this statement was to mitigate public fear, some people started   rejoicing saying " Yipee !!! We are gonna have a new FM !! " . What do you have to say about this ?

FM : Those were rumours emanating from the Lotus Quarters. I cant waste time answering these questions. Pose some Sensible questions !!

BT : Well Sir, i am not prepared for more. I meant i haven't prepared for more questions.

EL  : Neither I ... Thanks for Sharing your time with us Sir.

FM : Pleasure is Mine. Bye ......

EL  : ( to BT ) Hmmm .. What are you gonna print tomorrow ?

BT  : Well ......" FM hopes to resurrect sensex with 12B Shaam " .... and what about you ???? 

EL   : I would prefer I.T Shaam to 12B Shaam. ... 

BT  : Ha Ha .....

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Doggy Blues !!

Street Dogs can drive you crazy, just like bosses drive you out of your mind.
But the former are better in a way because they don't give you lectures of this sort ::
" When i was like you, i used to meet deadlines well in advance. My attitude was comparable to Gordon Brown's way of tackling the credit crisis rather than the Henry Paulson way of yours."

Sometimes a drilling maching is quite bearable than your boss. After hearing to the above lecture if you by any chance hear the sound of a drilling machine, it will sound like Beethoven's Symphony No.9 ( If you are a XP user, go to your sample music, because that is where i heard it ). Thank God, i have no such troubles or deadlines to meet.
Uh huh! i am digressing. So what was the focus ? Ah yes, it was why do street dogs aptly suit the phrase - " Rude Boys naangal King of the streets !! "

So i went on to analyze why street dogs chase and bite people mindlessly.My analysis culminated in five fantastic points which could assure you some safety with regard to these canines.

1. Dogs primarily are averse to sharing their meal with you. So Avoid them while they are eating.
2. Never advance menacingly towards a dog or hurt a dog with or without your knowledge. For Eg. Stepping on a dog's feet in the process of looking at the girl next door means you will end up losing some flesh ( from your thighs), the qty of which is directly proportional to the circumference of the dog's mouth and the tensile strength of it's teeth.
3. Would you like third party company in your bedroom .... hmmm .. I think that would suffice.
4. Never pass by when two dogs are establishing their supremacy over one another before a bitch. You could become the boxing ring.
   
5. Never drive by a dog in a moped which has an engine potent enough to make it virtually insane. Imagine Listening to this song, it is the same way for those poor canines.

If possible see all the three below youtube videos in sequence,
I'm sure they will make your day week
Video 1
Video 2
Video 3

Musically Yours,
AIU

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Blooper Series - # 2

LET GOD BE WITH US.

( The above stuff as many would know is not indigenous, but as it was irresistible i posted it )

Cheers

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One day in a Metropolitan Bus . . .

Travelling by a metropolitan bus is not that agonising as widely apprehended.
Its fun, only if you stop fussing about the congestion and be a silent spectator to the events around you.
You can overhear phone conversations legitimately, watch quarrels for free, enjoy some rib-tickling visuals and get some F1 feel.

So lets start with the driver. All MTC drivers have this common syndrome called the 'GODLYMASSA'.
The syndrome derives it name from the fact that all MTC buses are omnipresent on all the lanes, just like god and the drivers emulate 'Felipe Massa'.
The classic touch comes when they overtake a vehicle from the left and turn around to us and say ' Eppadi povuthu paaru poramboke ? ', which in English means ' that gentleman hasn't got his driving lessons right!' ( this translation is for the benefit of my global readers ).
And not to mention how the drivers revere the traffic signals.
They have this common formula which is applied while in signals ::

Leaving that behind, lets get to the travelling part.
Getting a seat is quite a rare occurence,but suppose you get a seat by god's grace it is a different story altogether. You invariably end up sitting near a gentleman who has worked all night and is well deserving of a nap on your shoulder.
While the human brain weighs around 1300 gms, the we(i)ll groomed hair of this gentleman along with his brain would definitely weigh around 1400 gms (1300+100). If you are already thinking ' ah ! thats quite manageable' , then let me tell you that i haven't elaborated on the ' 200 ml castor oil' applied evenly on his head. In addition to all this, if the gentleman is under intoxication you will be left guessing the brand !!
Now let's move on to the guy in front of you. He is usually a middle aged curmudgeon, who is already late to an appointment. So this guy is called time and again over his phone and his whereabouts are enquired. And the reply to the enquiry is always like this:

Actual place + 20 kms - ( variation of 2 or 3 kms ) = Proximity which saves the appointment.

You could understand better if i give you an illustration

Koyambedu + 20 kms - 2 kms = Andhra Border. ( I cant appease my global readers with an equivalent here ).

With the advent of Korean technology, quarrels between commuters have got a background score. The penetration of the korean mobile sets in the society is so good that atleast one commuter in the bus owns one, and he always entertains himself with his favorite craps a.k.a tracks over the blaring sound system of the mobile. (kudos to korean technology ).
Ah! i left the duels unexplained.
In most cases it starts over a piece of baggage which is conveniently placed on the next fellow's feet. This acts as a fodder to the fight, wherein the father of the baggage holder and the grand parents of the other party are brought into the picture.
At the end of the journey when you alight at your stop, you are left smiling at the cheap behaviour of people.
IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE CONDUCTOR'S PORTION, I AM SORRY. I MOST OFTEN TRAVEL WITHOUT A TICKET, SO ITS BEEN LONG I INTERACTED WITH ONE.
AND I BEING A ETHICAL BLOGGER WILL NOT WRITE ABOUT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WITHOUT PROFOUND KNOWLEDGE.

Cheers.

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